How to be more confident in bed

Let's face it: we've all got our hangups. What with its photoshopped advertisements, in-your-face advertising and critical and harsh criticism of any lady over size 8 who dares to be curvy (as if!), our society can be a dangerous place for a woman yearning to be free when she is at her most vulnerable.

Indeed many women struggle with overcoming shyness in bed and find themselves constantly wanting to make love with the lights off for fear of their man (or woman!) seeing them in all their glory. For women, being less passive in bed is associated with greater sexual enjoyment as well as a better ability to reach the big O, says a recent study in journal Personal Relationships. So how can a woman learn to take charge, throw the covers off and rock the four posts like it's her job?

Here are some tips on how to release your inner sex goddess:
1. Start slow. So your man wants you to touch yourself during sex? You want to do it too (you naughty minx, you!) but can't get over the embarrassment at the mere thought of letting your hands go down south. So what to do? Try starting slow in an area that isn't as intimidating to you. This could mean instead of going straight for some below-the-belt demonstration, why don't you start by slowly running your fingers through your hair? Get bold and lick a finger, then swipe it slowly and tantalizingly across your lips. Ready for the next step? Run your fingertips up and down your stomach and legs. Next? Tweak your nipples and watch as his jaw drops. Start slow, building up to the payoff. Your partner will approve! I promise.

2. It's all about context. You want to be more vocal about what you like in bed, but approaching the subject while in the act makes your nervous. Why not switching the context up? Try approaching the subject (think: whispering "I'd really love to do that tonight..." while watching a racy scene on TV together) in a situation that is much less sexually charged. Great sex starts with communication and there's no better way to open the lines of dialogue than a conversation in a neutral, non-threatening environment. He'll be receptive and very attentive the next time you get intimate.

3. Use a tool. No, not that tool! Get your hands on a book, website, manual, drawing or whatever you like. Flipping through the pages of a book or scrolling through a website together allows both of you to point out the things that appeal to each of you without having to actually say something like "gee, honey, I'd really love it in the butt tonight." (Not that there would be anything wrong with saying that!)

4. Love your body. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you're beautiful in the mirror. Mean it. Because you definitely are. What's more—if he didn't think so, he wouldn't be in bed with you. Trust me when I say that when you are looking down at your stretch marks, he's just happy you're naked in front of him! Men are pretty awesome like that.

5. Practice good hygiene. We all slip up sometimes. It happens, but try to be as clean as possible so you're not only feeling fresh, you're also less self-conscious when getting into bed. A little sprucing up goes a long way towards easing your mind.

6. Mood lightning. Nobody is saying you need the lights on full blast and a spotlight on your vagina. Dim the lights or shut them all off and light some candles if you want. A little mood lighting never hurt anyone (just ask Oprah). 

And when all else fails...

7. Act the part. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. Take your man and push him against the wall. While he's driving, slowly slide your hand onto his lap. Walking home from dinner, grab his arm and place it around your waste. Doing little things like that (especially the non-verbal cues of initiation) will start to "train" you until it becomes second nature to not only initiate, but dominate.